Bad Relationship

When a relationship is out of synch
A real key in a relationship to both be on the same footing, and to have the same goals for the relationship. The longer it is for when the relationships are when they are out of synch, the more likely it is for the relationship to become toxic and unsustainable, but what do you do when this happens? You have choices to make, and these can be difficult choices to make in this relationship.

You can choose to remain in status quo, and most likely suffer from this consequence. Like a rubber band we can be stretched for only so long. When you have to operate outside of your personal norms and standards you may the daily grind of the relationship to be more than you can handle. The relationship may have enough payoffs that it makes it ok for you to go on with the relationship. You may get enough return out of this relationship to make this endurable, then again you have an option to end the relationship at any time, or you can even opt to make choices in this relationship later.

You can also choose to end the relationship. This really depends on what you get back out of your partner. Do you get anything positive out of your partner? Do you receive kindness, nurturing, or anything else that makes you feel good? If the negative transactions outweigh the positive ones it may be time to move on. Think of positive transactions as deposits into a checking out, and the negative transactions as deductions in the account. If you are always in the red, chances are you aren’t happy with the relationship and it may be time to move on.

Finally you can choose to make changes in the relationship. You can tell your partner what you are and aren’t happy with in the relationship. You can tell them what you want and desire from the relationship. Keep in mind; you can not bluff when it comes to this. Tell them you want more connectedness, or more time together, or knowing where you stand with them. If they listen, and receive your comments well, and agree to work on these issues, these are good signs. If they do not listen to you, and tell you they aren’t going to change, it is time to move on.

Everyone deserves a relationship that is healthy, mutual and one that you receive positive emotions from the other person. Sometimes we are out of synch in our closeness, and this may be due to ignorance of the other person, a mismatch in timing, or a mismatch in person. You hold the responsibility in driving a relationship where you want it to go. You will receive the type of relationship that you allow to happen. If you are out of step with that other person, strive to place the both of you in the same step and direction. You absolutely deserve a relationship that is rewarding for you.

It is a difficult realization that this person you are involved with, isn’t a full person. This person at best only projects what they want you to see. They will project that as long as you give them your attention, and they do not feel threatened by the close relationship. Keep in mind, like any great movie with a long run, eventually that movie will stop playing. When it does, your time is up. Do not think for an instant that there is anything you can do, think, feel, or say that will change your run with this person. When they decide its over, end it, and don’t look back. If you continue to engage in the relationship, they will only toy with you for entertainment. Stop, and get off that ride, its heart breaking.

Chances are this person will be a completely different person in a relationship with the next person. He will change and morph into what he thinks will get him the best result. You have to realize any relationship that comes on as strong as this as this one did, should be a warning sign. This should be a warning sign that screams out as much as one ever could. Does this person act like everything you ever wanted? Run. A narcissist will morph and change into what he thinks you want. You will be lied and manipulated by someone who has had a lifetime of experience at it. Most people are fooled by this for awhile, don’t feel bad if you missed the signs that this person was someone you should have ran from.

If you not married to this person, if you have no children, and no other attachments with this person. Drop them like a hot rock. Eventually they will turn on you. They will attempt to destroy you and play you like you have never been played before. Keep in mind lying to you, manipulating your schedule, finances, and anything else for that matter means nothing to them. The narcissist, simply does not understand or have the capability to understand that other people are real people too.

If this is not the circumstance, and you are tied to this person, by legal matters, I will address what can help in another posting. Truly, if you can, get out this relationship as fast as possible. Run, simply run. You will have to untangle yourself from this relationship. It won’t be easy, it will be difficult, just as ending any other relationship. You will heal from this relationship, it will be more difficult than other relationships, you will be better off ending it as soon as possible.

Are you with a narcissist? Does your life feel complicated beyond belief? Is all of your anxiety typically centered around one person? Do you find that person gives you standards that you can’t keep up with, because their standards change all of the time? You may be with a narcissist.

Life is a narcissist is a living hell. One thing is critical though, you must divorce yourself from getting self validation from this person. Secretly this person fears you. They will go out of their way to tear you down. They will tear you down on all fronts, the will not stop. They are compelled to do this. Their actions, while they may feel personal, are not personal.

Realize the narcissist is unable to make those deeper personal connections that normal people make. They are unable to make friendships, and love relationships the rest of the population makes. Instead, they offer interactions that may look like friendships and love relationships, but they are not the same. The narcissist must interact with people to feed their narcissism, but you are only a source to them.

What can you do? You need to learn to step away from the relationship. You must begin to break those ties that bind you together. Breaking this type of relationship can be very difficult, it may feel impossible. To save yourself you must learn to distance yourself from this person. This can be something as simple as realizing their put downs, their rages, and their fits are not personal. When the person acts up, you need to learn how to deflect their actions. Whether this means walking away, not responding, or another action, it is important that you do not feed into their misbehavior.

It is critical that you realize that in dealing with a narcissist, they are not normal people. It is unlikely that they can ever be reformed into normal people. You will have set your own boundaries and protective walls around yourself from that person. Once you start this, you will have more power in your situation with your narcissist. Ideally, one day you should walk away from the relationship, and no longer have any contact with this person. Breaking free of your narcissist can be done.