I can honestly say that my relationship with my narcissist was one in which I had many high points, and their were many, many low points. This came home recently when planning a vacation with friends to a place I had been with this particular person. Now I have been back to this vacation spot with other people but there are some moments with that person that have turned into a chuckle now. Did I ever think that would happen? No.

Honestly the turning point in my relationship with that person came from reading about personality disorders and journaling. I journaled every day that I could to track what was going on, what was being said. I also kept all emails and instant message conversations as well. These were important, because I could see in black and white what was being said, and then later just show that person what was being said. This helped me to realize this relationship was not healthly.

My next plan of action was reading up on this disorder, and realizing that you can not make this person better. Any efforts in doing to are completely wasted. In most normal relationships where people care about each other if you tell someone something is bothering them, they are likely to work on things with you. Think about it, would a person that you are involved with said hey stop stepping on my toe it hurts, and you replied no, I want to step where I wanted to. What would the other person think, they would think man, I am not going to continue to be around that person if they are always stepping on my toe. Your relationship with a significant other shouldn’t be any different.

Once I realized I couldn’t make this person any better, I began to cut my contact with them. It was difficult as he could be as charming as anyone. They have to be, they have nothing else to offer to anyone. The darn thing about it is they have had a lifetime to perfect their charm, and man, they have it. You have to cut yourself off from that person, and not pay them any attention. My particular relationship finally ended after being stalked, harassed by him, and others, when I got the police involved. If necessary I recommend law enforcement.

Then came the healing. It has been a long journey. I have continually tried equipping myself with good knowledge about relationships, and surrounding myself with healthy people. I promise you will eventually get to the point where you don’t think about this person constantly. I promise that eventually you can chuckle about the weird things that happened in the relationship, and you will move on.

Breakups can be painful and difficult on so many difficult levels. The ending of a relationship, a close friendship, and the dreams that you shared with your significant other are just a few of the things you lose. So, when are you ready to move forward to a new relationship without any of the ill effects of your past relationship? You can ask yourself these questions.

1. You only think of your past significant other occasionally. They no longer occupy your thoughts. You can’t move forward with someone new, if you are mentally focused on someone else. During a breakup your primary focus in on your ex, what could have happened, what if things were different, what if you would have said something at the right time. Once you have finished processing your past relationship it will no longer be a primary force in your life.
2. You no longer get upset when dealing with your ex. There will come a time, when dealing with your past significant other will become nothing more than dealing with any other annoying person.
3. You have stopped trying to please your past love. Once a breakup has occurred you are not under obligation to please your ex. You no longer do the special things that you would do for them. You do not do special favors for them such as shoveling their sidewalks when it snows.
4. Your ex does not come up in conversations with your friends. We all speak about what is important to us, so when you notice you are no longer chatting about your ex, you can move on.
5. The romantic feelings are gone. We all have romantic feelings towards our ex partner right after the breakup. There will come a time when you stop fantasizing about a future with them.
6. You can accept that your ex can find a new romantic interest. Feelings of jealousy depart when you no longer have an emotional tie to your past partner.
7. You are no longer angry at your ex. During a breakup feelings of anger are likely to come about. When the former partner no longer stir anger, you are emotionally detached.

You must not move forward into a new quality relationship until you have reached these ideals. If you are still emotionally involved with your past partner you are able to devote yourself to your new partner. You wouldn’t want your new romantic interest to still be focused on their ex partner. You will get resolution towards your ex partner. It will happen.

The opposite of love isn’t hate is apathy. Once you have reached the state of apathy you are truly ready to go forward and enjoy what a new positive relationship may bring. Make sure your ready, and make sure who you are involved with feels that their ex is no longer an issue in their life. It is worth waiting for, you want your next relationship to benefit from the lessons learned from your past relationships.