My favorite part of the book is her short quiz on is the relationship harmful she asks:
1. Is your friend trustworthy
2. Does your friend return your phone calls?
3. Does your friend always keep appointments or meetings and promises?
4. Do other friends praise this friend?
5. Do you enjoy listening to your friend?
6. If you have an opposite-sex friend, and you’re both romantically involved with others or married, does your friend’s romantic partner know about your friendship?
7. Is your friend someone you’re proud of?
8. Is your friendship based on who you both are now, rather than on what you were when you first became friends?
9. After you see your friend, do you fiend yourself thinking, “Wow, I’m glad we’re friends?”
10. Does your friend respect your boundaries and your privacy?

She also describes different types of bad friendships and gives suggestions on what you can do to stay in them, or leave the relationship. She does have you ask yourself is the friendship healthy? Was it healthy? Are you up to investing enough into the friendship to make it work again? Most importantly, is the friendship worth saving?

I found her book helpful, and a good guideline on having healthy friendships with others. While this is not a complete book on friendships, it is a good starting point. This book will have you evaluate relationships that may have past their prime, and those relationships that should be salvaged. I would definately recommend this book to anyone that may have nagging questions about friendships that they may have.

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I have read books on this, and scanned the Internet looking for solid advice to this problem. You know, I haven’t found solid and consistent advice. There are many different schools of thought, that people offer: make a clean and pronounced break, or simply allow things to drift and do not say anything, or you can say something about the relationship when you two speak again. All of this advice is extremely conflicting and doesn’t really allow for consistent advice.

Some of the best advice I found was it good to let friendships go when the cost of maintaining the relationship became to high. For example, if you are the one that always must arrange you two to get together, and it bothers you, you should let the friendship go. Or it may be something like you have to constantly keep each other in communication or the friendship will die, then you should let it go.

Other advice I have seen is when that person isn’t there to support you in times of need it is time to put that friendship on the back burner. Friends should be there to support each other in time of need, and yet, when a person who was a friend may not be there for you during your important times of need, it may be time to let that person go.

I would like to say that it is time to let friendships go when you give more than you receive. I really feel relationships by nature, are often uneven, so that is a hard way to judge a relationship. Once in a relationships class I heard a good explanation for friendships, some friends were there for a lifetime, and others only for a season.

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Friendships, as well as romantic relationships are all about being there for another person. Sometimes they are there for you, sometimes you are their support system. What do you do when you realize that you are the one giving, and they are the one taking all of the time? It takes so much away from any person to constantly give. Now you have some options.

You can continue to be a giving person, and continue to stay in the role that you are in. While it may be the easiest, it may not be best choice for you. We all have breaking points, and it is difficult to allow someone to push you to that limit all of the time. If you have a point of stress in your life you can’t fix, or you can’t eliminate it may eventually drag you down.

Another choice is to confront the person. You can do it in a nice, and loving way. Telling this person what you are sensing may make a change in their actions. You can do this in a humorous way, a serious way, or an unemotional way. You are doing yourself a huge favor by letting that person know, continuing the relationship is difficult for you. By telling someone how you feel, puts the problem back on the other person. So the next time they call, or stop by for a chat, you can end the coversation without the guilt if and when they start their one-sided conversation.

Your next option if great if you don’t want the confrontation. Start to scale back on your time involved with the other person. Simply cut phone conversations short, being busy when they need you. You can be less responsive when they talk, most people will get the hing.

One thing I have noticed is that you have to make an active choice when dealing with these people when they become emotional leeches. You need to be true to yourself. If you need to find another friend, while not easy, it is something you should do. If the person just let the friendship/relationship get out of balance, and they are a good person, they will put the relationship right.

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Have you ever thought about what you exchange of yourself in a relationship with someone else? What part of you do you hold back, or what parts do you share? How do you know your being received? Often I have asked myself these very questions. These questions apply in romantic as well as platonic relationships. What do you give up to be with someone else?

Ideally perfect relationships should happen all of the time, but they do not. How often do we long for friends that we are totally in synch with? There are times when I long for friendships that I had growing up, when it was easy to unite over a common cause, and bond together. Now, we all have our own lives, different interests, jobs, and other competing energies that take away the ability to draw upon this bonding force that we used to have. If you find those that you are compatible with, your lucky, so often we find people that we are semi-bonded to, or semi attracted to, what do you do then?

Know thyself. I feel for you to enjoy relationships for what they are, whether it is a casual dating relationship, a friendship, and someone you have coffee with at times, you really need to know where you begin and end. It is so easy to get pulled into someone else’s life, but often that is at a price. While getting drawn into someone’s life isn’t always a bad thing, I don’t think it is meant for us to be pulled into the life of everyone that we meet.

Is the person that you are spending time with on the same level as you? Do you share common beliefs and values? One recent example in my life, of this was, I was recently with someone that was obviously very materialistic, now we all are to some degree. This person always had to like the most expensive item, or brag constantly about their desires or things they wished that they had. It eventually became so exhausting, I had to forgo that person any longer. Their need to show they were affluent, culturally aware, and stable, trumped any concern they had for me as an individual.

Do you feel good about the interactions that you have with the other person? If not, you should learn to limit contact, and seek companionship that is beneficial for both parties. There is simply no reason to allow someone else to take away any of your happiness because life is too short.

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Do you want to know more about the person you are dating? See who their friends are. Knowing who a person hangs around tells you so much about them. What at their values? Do they have long term stable relationships? Are all of their friends short term newly minted friendships? Does your potential mate keep you away from their friends? Answers to these questions can be green lights, or huge red flags. Let’s take a look what you can find out.

First off there are many signs in just meeting their friends that can give you major clues. Take note, do they have friends? Now if they just moved into an area, cut them some slack. If they have been rooted in an area for awhile they should have some long term relationships. If they have no long term relationships, they are not likely to have a long term relationship with you. Now, if they do not introduce you to their friends, stay away, no run the other way. If a person doesn’t bother to introduce you to their friends, there is a reason behind it. Chances are it isn’t a positive reason.

Now, say you have met their friends. Look at their character. Do they have similar beliefs as you do. If you are against drug and alcohol abuse, make sure they feel the same way. If all of their friends are complicated, for example they lie, they have unusual criminal pasts, bizarre relationships, chances are your potential mate thinks these things are ok. We all have one or two friends that come from unusual molds and we love them for it. If all of their friends have issues, look out. Also note what their friends say about your potential mate. Are these positive things? Are they relating stories about your potential mate that you wish you never heard before? If this is the case walk away.

Now, we have gone over some red flags; failure you introduce you to their friends, short term friendships, the character of their friends, what their friends say about them. Look at these things, exam them closely. If you see a lot of red flags, examine the relationship early. Do not wait. Also, keep in mind, if your partner introduces you readily to their friends, and tries to integrate you into their lives that is a wonderful positive sign. Are their friends all people you want to be around, you may have found the right person. Friends are a wonderful barometer to judge qualities about your potential significant other.

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So often when we begin to enter into a new relationship, it is very easy to get swept up by the romance, and leave behind our friends. With the wonderful bliss that you feel when you enter into a relationship it’s easy to understand why we forget our friends and our everyday relationships. Is this the best way to handle a new relationship? Most likely not, sometimes in the tidal wave rush of new love we get swept away, and can forget the ties, and our desires that make us the special people we are.
Have you ever noticed that in some new relationships that you get simply swept off your feet and right into a new lifestyle? It is so easy to get totally swept into different social circles, or perhaps you begin to modify your own social circle to better please your new partner. While this is an exciting time, it’s great to have close friends who can keep an eye on you, and make sure you are doing well. Sometimes we begin to modify our personality to better please our new partner. We may take on different likes and dislikes, which may be so different than what we enjoyed before.
It is important to maintain your own identity in a new relationship, because while you may be part of a couple, you want the ability to stand on your own two feet. For example if you really enjoy painting you shouldn’t have to give that up to be in a new relationship if your new partner doesn’t enjoy painting. Your strong likes and dislikes should be able to come into play in a new relationship. You shouldn’t have to stifle you favorite interests. Your friends can help you keep a checks and balances going, so you know you’re engaging into a healthy relationship.
In addition that your friends have been your basic support system before your new relationship, you are also their support system. While it can be understandable you want to spend time with your new special person, your friends were there for you before your special person was in your life. There can be hurt feelings on their side by your sudden disappearance. So keep their feelings in mind when you meet your new special person. So you do not loose their friendships.
Good quality friendships provide support, fellowship, and feedback. All of those are wonderful tools when you enter new relationships simply because they can be rulers for how well a relationship is going. When you lose yourself into a new relationship you aren’t always benefiting yourself. Often when the newness of a relationship wears off and when you want to reconnect with your old friends, you want to make sure you haven’t alienated them, and that they are still there with their support, fellowship, and feedback.

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