In my past ten years, I had lost more than half of my family, being an only child, this is pretty significant.  My husband and I divorced, and then my fiancee passed away.  My employment situation was difficult, I was laid off 3 times, and I moved across the country and back.  On the other hand, I earned two college degrees, published a book, and had other successes on the web.  I never wanted to have a boring life, but I wasn’t thinking this was the life I wanted either.

I think of what I want to accomplish during the next ten years.  Some of you may know I am going back to school for a career change.  I am looking forward to changing careers.  I am looking forward to being in a role where I can assist others and help people change their lives.  I want to make real differences in lives.  I also look forward to maybe another book, we will see on that one Maybe I will finish up those 30 days of honesty.  I found some of those difficult to publish online, while it may be ok to share my thoughts, but it isn’t fair of me to drag others into this on the web.

I hope I never have to work retail again.  I did several years of retail managment.  I enjoy people, I enjoy helping people solve problems.  I haven’t appreciated times when I have had product people have purchased in stores thrown at me, or have had my life threatened because I refused to cash two party checks.  I may have to do this again one day. 

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So, its day 5, this one is easy for me.  I want to travel to 10 different countries.  I have been to England, Germany, Italy, Greece, and Mexico.  Technically I have been to Canada and France, but I don’t think it really counts when you are just switching planes.  I want to go to Eygpt, Israel, Argentina, Switzerland, and Canada for real next time, air space doesn’t count

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

My first impression was their musak style music being beamed all over the place. Yes, folks were humming along to Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline. I stepped into the door and the smell of meat being over grilled was so heavy in the air. I wondered where I had smelled that before, Astroworld’s medieval cafe. Yep, their cafe where season ticket holders ate because the discount was large, and well you were eating at an amusement park so the food didn’t need to be tasty, just salty.

Now the food, honestly, it is all over the place. The grill master was a little over concerned with overcooking beef, if it was made of hamburger, that meant it had to be charred to a crisp on the outside. While wonderful for keeping down any danger of food poisoning through undercooked hamburger meat. The vegetables were honestly tasty, and reminded me of what I would make a home. I found that many of their vegetables to be quite tasty. I enjoyed their take on the famous green been casserole that is served for the holidays. I loved their addition of chopped onions into the mix and they added some smokey country ham as well.

Now their baked goods, if they simply closed the restaurant and simply opened bakeries that would be the way to go. They made wonderful yeast rolls, cookies, pies, and so much more. For me, this was the most solid part of their food offerings. Their chocolate chip cookies, while they weren’t made of butter were tasty. They do their own version of the Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits, but their biscuits are more dense, and a little less garlicy.

I found my experience to be full of contrasts. Meat, isn’t something I found particularly good here, but it came in ample supply, live and onions, fried livers, fish in a variety of forms, grilled meats, and so much more. They had tasty vegetables, and wonderful baked goods. Would I go back? I think this would be a great breakfast spot or even a decent lunch spot. If you are going to go, bring your sweet tooth.

The answer I got was no, it doesn’t get any easier, it simply changes.  I was told the sense of loss never really goes away, that unfortunately has been my experience.  Sadly I was comforted in when a couple of the ladies mentioned how well they hold up in public, and then at times as soon as the door closes when they get home, they melt.  This has been something I have done all too often.  I have melted into a puddle.  I have melted into a puddle when watching certain tv shows, reading a book, or even going over my journal from days past. 

I would love to tell you that the ladies had said, yes, it gets a little easier.  Grief is a vicious monster that hands overhead for a long time.  I don’t anticipate ever being completelly over my relationship with Michael.  It was sadly refreshing to hear what I go through, others go through and struggle with as well.  I was amazed that many had the same reactions as I have had.

Upon coming back I am still doing diet gourmet meals, and I joined another gym.  Managed to make it to work out today.  So hopefully I will be moving forward on this again. 

My life has been uber crazy for the past month.  During all of these vacations, I have turned in about 80% of my book to the editor, and this weekend I hope to finish the rest.  I have class one night a week, and still do volunteer stuff on the weekends.  I honestly don’t know if I am coming or going.  I hope things slow down soon!

I live and work in affluent parts of town.  When I saw affluent, I mean I work in a very affluient part of town, and I live in a nicer neighborhood.  What this really translate into that gas is more expensive in my neighborhood and where I work than the places inbetween.  Dramatically so.  Prices were I work are 20% higher than the going rate, and where I live this translate into 10% overage in pricing.  I find this frustrating because I feel as if I am getting gouged for living out in the burbs.

Living in Houston means living in an area where there are rings of the city.  This means driving from one “nicer” area of town to the other, and not stopping inbetween, especially after dark.  I had unfortunately miscalculated my time one particular evening and failed to buy gas where I should have.  So I was going to run out of gas, and still had to get home.  This left me stopping in the area of town where I really hate stopping after dark.  I have personally known people who have had their vehicles broken into in these parts.  But being faced with running out of gas or not, well I opted to go ahead and stop.

I hated that I felt like I was in emminate danger in my own city from stopping for gas.  I bypassed one gas station due to low lighting, and folks just hanging out there without vehicles for another gas station.  It was better lit, and no one was just hanging out.  While I filled up with gas, I actually got into my car, and locked the door.  Which conjured up a variety of thoughts, why would I intentionally put myself in harms way over a buck fifty at most? Why can’t I feel safe in my own town? Why must I feel like I am doing wrong when I am getting gas after dark?

Why are there areas so close to each other where we have a sense of security and why are there other places you don’t want to be caught in period.  Why are there areas of just prosperity, and then disparity right next door to each other?  I find this so frustrating on so many levels.  What can I do as an individual to work on this?  I honestly don’t have a ton of answers right now.    It is amazing what the simple act of buying gas can do.

Whew!

I have also started religious studies classes in the evenings, so one night a week is definately a long one.  It has felt like I have had very little extra time here lately.    I will write more soon