My mind was so full of grief it had room for nothing else

My mind was so full of grief, it had room for nothing else, this lady said on the radio as she was being interviewed about her daughter’s murder six years ago.  After the funeral she noted that she had no time, no energy, and was incapable of doing anything but focusing on the death of her daughter.  How true this rang with me.  After the death of my fiance, a deep and thick cloud of grief engulfed me.  I was swallowed up by my grief, and just getting dressed, making sure I showered, and went to work was all I could do.

I liked that she had moved onto where memories were once again pleasant, and they are less bitter sweet.  I am not completely there yet, but at least now it is easier to chuckle about different moments in the relationship, and then to wonder what he would be thinking about a particular situation.

I was heading out on my way to visit a couple of hospice patients.   Visiting people who are in hospice had been something I had wanted to do for years, but for me the hang up was I always felt that I was too close to a loss of a loved one to do this and do a good job at it.  Instead this is turniing out to be a growth lesson for me.  I am often dumbfounded by the dignity, of both the families and the patients in going through a time that is obviously difficult.  I am so amazed at the love that people have for their loved ones as they come and visit their terminally ill family. 

I hope as this process of grief for me that continues, continues to see growth and progress.  I want to be able to think of my fiance as he was, funny, grouchy, a man who told all sorts of stories and jokes, and remember those things in a good context.