Believe it or not, there is life after a narcisist. It may seem like this the relationship with that person will never end, it will. Unfortunately it will happen when they finally realize they will get no more from you. You must take steps to see this happens. You must ignore them, and fail to give them attention no matter what they say, think, do, or claim that they feel. They key in this relationship ending is for you to simply stop supplying them with anything they see that you offer.
Once they finally realize that you are no longer a source of what they want from you, they will move on. It may take awhile, but it will happen. Remember to stay strong and for you to continue to ignore them, and deny them anything they desire from you. If you bend, even a little in this, they will continue to circle back, and get whatever they can from you. Keep in mind these are not rational people that you are dealing with. They are sub-human.
Life without a narcisist in it will be easier. You will be amazed at how you can live your life without so much drama. It will be like night and day once you knock this person out of your life. While it isn’t an easy task to do, your life will dramatically improve, and you will be happier after you heal some of the damage that they do. Stay strong, deny them what they desire from you, and eventually they will go away, and your life will return to normal.
About Stephanie Manley
I was a single parent for 14 years and after my youngest moved out I met this guy. He poured it on and I was convinced I was his soul mate. After a couple years of drama I was still convinced when he told me that I was it. We married, two years later he divorced. He said he would lose VA benefits. I did not even know the divorce was final. He said it was in name only. Then when he was supposedly out of town I caught him driving down the street with a woman he had brought over from China and married. He told me he would be back in 2 months. After that I knew that for my survival and self-respect he had to go. I doubt I will ever hear from him again but someone else will fall for his same lines.
Hello Girl:
Been to your Hell and back. You are not alone in what you are going through! I thought my hell on earth would never end. No matter how bad I was treated, I wanted the relationship to work, for the family. Finally I researched his behavior and found I was dealing with a soulless person. He was a psyhcopath with narcistic tendecies. 6 months of indepth therapy and a year out of the relationship, I am finally getting it together.I was with him for 34 years and 3 kids. After a relationship like this, you do become stronger, you survived this you can survive anything. He tried to kill me, ran around, had kids from other women,(young girls), mentally abused me so bad I beleived I was the crazy one. I couldn’t function social. I am now much better, look inside you for the strength to get over this. AND YOU WILL! That is what bothers them is when you are done with them! I am still healing, time does heal everything. My faith helped me immensely. Basically they control your mind, emotions. Take the control back and be strong! Remember you are not alone in this.
from one who knows
Can anyone help me here? It is only now, after 10 years, do I read about narcisistic behaviour, do I see that I am married to one of the worst! My husband was so very verbally abusive toward my son and I,over the last 5 years, behind closed doors. In front of people he spoke to me like dirt, hiding it with humour. Last May, he overstepped the mark and went for me in front of our mutual friends, calling me all the names under the sun. I told him to leave, however within a few days he was crying to come home, and after 3 months I let him, only for him to be worse than ever. I told him that he had taken it to a new level, but he would not accept blame. Christmas was hell, and in January he stepped up a level, and over the weekend, he locked me in my house for 2 hours, chucked wine all over the ceiling and the sofa claiming it was an accident, started hyperventalating and grabbed a knife saying he was going to cut me in to pieces. Two days before this, he was his normal self.
I thought that I could help him. He never wanted sex with me, although he would hold my hand. He criticised everything I did at home and at work, and picked on his step-son. Our daughter, he treated very well indeed. Since he has gone, he has slept about. He has been so very cruel to me, saying that I made him feel dead from the neck up, only had fun with me for 2 1/2 hours in the last 5 years, and stated bluntly the reason we didn’t have sex was simply because ‘he didn’t want to’. Let me be very clear, I am a very attractive, intelligent professional woman in my mid-30′s. Before we broke up, he became very friendly with a woman at work who isa divorcee, with no children, bubbly with long blond hair and big breasts! Complete opposite to me as I am now – I used to be bubbly and funny. Not any more.
Why can’t I let him go? All day I replay scenarios in my head of what he is doing, how happy he is and I am so miserable without him. He told me 4 weeks ago that he really liked this girl now, and he was going to ask her out for a drink. He told his sister (whom I am still in touch with) the same story. I approached he and told her this and that I would not cause any grief (we all work in the same small building!) she said that she liked him as a work colleague and had been out with him socially in a group, but anything else was in his head. According to other colleagues, she hated him last year as he kept shouting at her at work (he is her supervisor) although now they look pretty smitten. I asked him 2 weeks later if he was seeing her and all he kept saying was ‘it is none of your business’. over and over. Last monday I caught him leaving her house. He wound down the window and smiled a big grin and I asked if he was eeing her, he said ‘yep’. He is still very cruel to me, and lies dreadfully about everything, big or small. I now have 3 versions of this. Lastly, when I told him that I had to inform out boss as I wanted to move, he said that he had only been to her house for a drink. He has always liked to make me jealous, so I am not sure if this is what he is doing. On Tuesday this week, she was on holiday and I saw him leave his house with another woman! Is he trying to continue to get at me, ruin my career, my life – he knows that I am so upset as I have told him that all I wanted is my family together. He does not. I did NOTHING wrong, which is why it hurts so much STILL. It has been 4 months, and I am now on anti-depresents, seen a hypntherapist, had councilling. I have stopped all communication with him now and am seeing a solicitor. My mother believes that he is trying to make me go crazy so he can have the kids and the house. Would someone do this? Is this typical Narcisistic behaviour? I don’t get apologies any more – he was always so good with them. PS We live in a small town, where I have to stay as my mum lives here who helps me out with our 4 year old, and he has stopped paying our mortgage.
Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for this site, and your information. I am truly heartbroken, and I don’t know what to do. I believe the man that I love and have pined over for so long is a narcisist. I will provide you with my story/issue, and I welcome your feedback, advice, etc.
Back in 2004 I was going through a separation with my husband at the
time. A fellow co-worker was going through the same with his wife. We
became very good friends and offered each other advice through this
tough
time in our lives. Hence, as we got to know each other more and more,
we fell in love. We began dating each other at the end of 2004 and in
May of 2005 we broke up. I devistated me to no avail. We would still
run
into each other at work, which of course was very awkward. I was
heartbroken. That Oct. (2005) he asked me to dinner, and we talked
about how much we missed each other and we got back together. It was
great!
Well…the following May (2006) out of no where he broke up with me,
saying that he needed his space, needed to figure out what he really
wanted out of life. Again devistation for me. He had since moved from
NY
to
Georgia and we comunicated via e-mail very rarely. This past
November(2007), he contacted me (a year and half later) and was in NY
for his
sister’s wedding, and wanted to see me. I was overjoyed. PS – we got
back
together, I’m in NY he is in GA, and asked me to move there, and he
has been saying that he wants to have a life with me, marraige,
children,
etc. He is buying a house, and I went down to help pick out
furnishings
for this house that is being built. He even put my on his life ins.
policy. I was supposed to move there the end of this month (May 2008).
This past weekend, I was really getting nervous (and very emotional
(pms
contributed), and I told him I can’t marry him. My reasoning: Because
I love him so deeply, I am affraid that if we got married (Even though
I really want to, and still do), if our marraige ever had problems,
and
God for bid it ended, and/or we got bored of each other (which happens
in marraiges), we would take the risk of hating each other, and never
seeing each other again. My fear got in the way. We are still going
away to
Las Vegas this weekend together, and he still wants me to come and
visit him over the summer. The next day (after I said that I couldn’t
get
married), I told him hat I was pms’ing and that I am so sorry. I do
really want to marry
him, but I just need some time to get my bearings. He said that ‘that
ship has sailed’ and we can’t ever get married to each other.
What have I done. I really want to marry this man. I don’t want to live
in fear, and I realize it was a mistake what I said. Now, it’s too
late.
He cancelled the trip to Vegas, he said that he bought the ring and returned it. He was going to propose to me while in vegas, but because of what I said, he is dropping the whole thing. He said he wants a relationship that doesn’t require any ‘work’, and that maybe in time we can be friends. He said he also couldn’t guarentee that he wouldn’t run out of the marraige or something down the road, because I am a ‘project’ (whatever that means). I told him that nobody is perfect, and when you love someone, if there are bumps or hurdles you work them out together. He wants a ‘trouble-free’ relationship/marraige. I tried explaining to him that when I said I couldn’t marry him, I didn’t really mean that. What I really meant was that because in the past he kept yo-yo’ing I just didn’t want that to happen again.
Now it’s Sat. I’m not in vegas, and not with Eric. He broke off everything. I even suggested that I still move down to GA, and we live together and then down the road get married. Nope – he said no. :’-( I am truly heartbroken. Here I have pined over this man for 4 years, I was just about to become his fiance’ and I have lost him, and he doesn’t even feel the same way, or care for that matter.
Thank you again.
Karen
For me letting go was so hard because by nature some of us get into a relationship like this to fulfill ‘I can help and fix you role’. As much emotional abuse as I took, I still wanted to fix my ex. husband. Had I not been blessed with two children later in life I would still be ‘in the trenches’. I did not even realize what his problem was until I began to heal myself and protect my young children. In some ways I think it is just as hard to walk away and take away ‘their’ power as it is to take the abuse. Make no mistake; I have known more happiness since I have let go and accept the peace that comes, than I ever dreamed possible. Letting go is hard and sticking to it can be even harder, but the peace is so refreshing. I became an alcoholic and could never completely recover until I gave myself permission to not blame myself for his abuse.
I feel so relieved!! I’ve had a friend for many years who i think is a narcissist! She has tried for the last time to suck the life out of me! I’ve tried to understand, my heart would subside after the stupid things she would do and i would fall into her trap! AGAIN!! I am thankful for this wonderful advice! Ignoring them completely is the ONLY way!! This way they don’t steal your spirit and wonderful energy!! Sincerely a very fed up friend!!!!
SO far, This is the best site in regards to actually dealing with narcissists. I am coming to the end of a 6 year relationship with a female narcissist and I thought I was paralyzed into doing nothing. Seeing other persons stories and finding out about her in general has given me the edge I needed..thanks so much
Im recovering from a female who is this way – fighting for a young child at the same time – I thought i was clear of the supply but this helps by reading that you have to not give an inch – greatest advice to date
Oh Stephanie – you are so right – my ex of 2 months – is not a recovering alco also – last week I had to see him for a few issues with our apartment – I had been spending so much time in Alanon – it kind of got to me – anyway I told me he was sorry for everything – I just did not want to hear his lies – so I told him I forgave him and myself for everything -I was concerned that he might think I was a supply after that – but I have been strong – he didn’t call me and I have never called him during these past two months. They are like vampires – if they see a inch. I cannot even tell you how happy I am – I feel great – I am in therapy – I am letting go what he did – what I did and focusing on my happiness.