How to be involved with a narcissist
Apr 16, 2006 By Stephanie Manley Under Narcissist
I get asked this alot. How to you be in a relationship with a narcissist at best is difficult. My honestly advice, is to stop. End that relationship, end it as soon as possible. I can’t emphasize that no one needs to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists by nature aren’t capable of normal relationships. Do not full yourself into thinking that you can do anything to make the relationship worthwhile, or have any qualities that a relationship with any normal person.
It is a difficult realization that this person you are involved with, isn’t a full person. This person at best only projects what they want you to see. They will project that as long as you give them your attention, and they do not feel threatened by the close relationship. Keep in mind, like any great movie with a long run, eventually that movie will stop playing. When it does, your time is up. Do not think for an instant that there is anything you can do, think, feel, or say that will change your run with this person. When they decide its over, end it, and don’t look back. If you continue to engage in the relationship, they will only toy with you for entertainment. Stop, and get off that ride, its heart breaking.
Chances are this person will be a completely different person in a relationship with the next person. He will change and morph into what he thinks will get him the best result. You have to realize any relationship that comes on as strong as this as this one did, should be a warning sign. This should be a warning sign that screams out as much as one ever could. Does this person act like everything you ever wanted? Run. A narcissist will morph and change into what he thinks you want. You will be lied and manipulated by someone who has had a lifetime of experience at it. Most people are fooled by this for awhile, don’t feel bad if you missed the signs that this person was someone you should have ran from.
If you not married to this person, if you have no children, and no other attachments with this person. Drop them like a hot rock. Eventually they will turn on you. They will attempt to destroy you and play you like you have never been played before. Keep in mind lying to you, manipulating your schedule, finances, and anything else for that matter means nothing to them. The narcissist, simply does not understand or have the capability to understand that other people are real people too.
If this is not the circumstance, and you are tied to this person, by legal matters, I will address what can help in another posting. Truly, if you can, get out this relationship as fast as possible. Run, simply run. You will have to untangle yourself from this relationship. It won’t be easy, it will be difficult, just as ending any other relationship. You will heal from this relationship, it will be more difficult than other relationships, you will be better off ending it as soon as possible.
I have just been left by him again, lost myself in this. He emotionally abuse me, makes me crazy..Then mocks me with laughter at my acting out at hurtine me, hes not hurting me. he is killing me. Went to break up with him in therapy, he lied to the therapist, said he loved me, wanted to do everything to make it work…Found out a day later he was emotionally cheating on me, I have been hurt and angry, then he dumped me for being angry at his cheating, broke up with me via text, and makes me feel so unloved, we were engaged last month also.
To all, is is possible to ever trust again after being involved with a narcissist? I feel as though maybe there was something wrong with me that I attracted this narcissist. I wonder if I am defective somehow for putting up with his flagrant narcissist traits. I guess there must be hope because I began to fully realize his narcissism when my son’s best friend committed suicide and all of us were devastated. We all loved this young 19 year old boy. My narcissistic partner never came by, never said anything to any of us. He knew we were so sad and grieving. He did nothing. He told me he couldn’t feel what we were feeling. I knew then that he was incapable of any human compassion. Looking back, there were so many clues that he was a narcissist of the highest order, but I didn’t listen to my inner voice. I wonder if there is hope for me having a relationship with a mentally healthy man again.
Thanks for this posting. I had a very similar experience dating a man for almost two years. This man used and completely took over my life and made me feel as though I didn’t have a chance of survival without him. However, something happened about two weeks ago and it just made me realize that enough is enough and I haven’t spoken to him since. This has been the hardest and most harrowing experience in my like so far but after reading these other postings, I know that I am not alone in this struggle and I am not crazy for the way I behaved. After I ended the relationship, I felt like I should run back to him because I missed him and didn’t know what to do with myself. I now realize that I was with an image and he is not a real person who has real feelings. It is sad that I even had to go through this but I’m sure there was a reason. I’m just happy to be out of it now.
I am married to a man who is a narcissist. here along I thought it was me but it is him. He is crazy. I was told that I am addicted to love but I don’t think that is what the prob is. I have yet to discuss this with my therapist. I believe that it is him and not me because I was physically and mentally drained by this man. he took my heart and soul and didn’t care how he has hurt me esp when I love him somuch. He has left me or should I say I had him kicked out by 4 policemen because he has been physically and mentally abusive to me. he broke my door down the night i had the cops throw him oout. To this day, he believes he was going toleave obn his own but he did this in the mornuing came back after being with his friends after work and then took a shower in my home and was waiting for me to come back to show me he is leaving but i beat him to the punch. he says that he left me and doesn’t still realize he was thrown out. Also, I have been dating him to see if we can at all work out this prob that has been going on for yrs.. like I said I do love him. I did get a PFA which he knows nothing about. Step 2.. beat him once again so that when he wants to say its over I will let him know I had control the whole time and he wont mentally abuse me again and walk on me like a doormat.
You might want to seek therapy. I have been with a narcissist for almost two years. I thought I was crazy and they take your soul and suck on it. I have left this relationship because enough was enough. Slowly I am rebuilding my friendships and career. I know in If you are dating a man called Bill Larocque, Run like hell! Real smooth operator.
What do you do when you love him? How do I get unattached? He took up all my time and attention for two years and it’s hard to just move on. I miss him, although I can’t put my finger on what I miss and that makes me feel crazy. I miss his laughter and caring but now I wonder if that was real. thanks for your insights.
Your comment about NPD is right on. I would also like to add this. Although statistics say that NPD types are 80% men and 20% women. With this in mind, all the things mention here I experienced being married to a women with NPD. Talk about a home wrecker my ex-wife thought nothing of pushing another women out of her home and replacing her with herself. My ex-wife was beutiful and extremely charming and extrmely deadly to both men and women alike. She could even make other women fall in love with her. This includes the soon to be ex wife of the man she is courting. Unfortunatly to this day I have no one in my life after this. My trust is gone.
thanks great article.
Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD) usually come with the one or more defects. Usually one of the “B Clusters” In most cases always comes with Histrionic Personality Disorder as well as Psychological Projection if they are religious. Look up these defects. You will be amazed. What do you do when you were married to one and they are trying to take you for all you are worth frm another friends advice? They are truly monsters from another world.